If?….. Yes, only if…..
Because guidelines need to be put in place for some of you people out there. Because asking yourself ahead of time, “Does this person want to see my junk?” takes a lot of effort….apparently way more effort than pulling out the camera, uploading the photo, typing in an address and hitting send.
And when I say “junk”……..I’m talking to some of you women too, because no one wants to see this without being warned.
Okay….I am mostly talking to the men, but that photo above was just too good to not share. That’s what you find when you Google “angry vagina” by the way.
Here are some things that men need to know.
Unless a woman is fantasizing about fucking you, she probably doesn’t want a photo of your dick.
Now brace yourself for this……
Dicks are kinda ugly. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good looking dicks out there, not all dicks are ugly. But nothing is uglier than an unsolicited closeup of your wrinkly dick and hairy balls.
Not cool!
Don’t be that guy. You know the guy I mean, the one that goes, “Yeah….that girl is hot, I bet she would love a picture of my dick.”
No! No we wont! Stop yourself right there! Don’t do it!
If you know me at all then you know that I’m not a prude by any means. I don’t mind seeing tasteful nude photos, that goes for photos of men or women. I don’t even mind watching porn. But sending me a direct message of you holding your junk is a no-no.
So here are the rules, my rules anyway. Only send pictures of your junk if……
1. I ask for them.
2. You ask me if I want them and I say yes.
3. You have awesome abs or that sexy V thing going on. (Hey! I’m not perfect, there are loopholes to every rule. Isn’t there?)
4. I am having an actual dick measuring contest.
5. I mention needing a good laugh.
6. You have an odd growth and need my help identifying it. (I’m not a doctor, but I play one at home)
7. You don’t mind me showing my husband,
8. Or my mother.
9. Or the police.
10. You have awesome abs or that sexy V thing going on.
Yes, I said those two already, but I just want to reiterate that if you have abs and that V thing……then go ahead and send me photos of your junk.
Awesome abs and that sexy V thing.
Soooooo………. My husband is shaking his head saying “no”, apparently reasons 1,2,3 & 10 are still not good enough reasons to send me photos of your junk……so don’t send them. He ruins everything! Stupid dick!
“Type hard. Like you mean it!”
Your Mother Is A Dirty Girl 
That angry vagina was designed by HR Giger. His art has a really creepy sex vibe going on. That’s the face hugger alien from “Aliens”, and the Alien monster itself is a walking dick pick itself:
Somehow I don’t think that a brief history of the Alien movie was your intent. 😉
Haha… it’s cool. I’m very familiar with his art. The term “face hugger” is a common phrase in my house. When I originally Googled “angry vagina” I laughed at how accurately that photo depicted one. 😀
I’ll never be able to watch any of the Alien films the same way again. 😉
Hahaha…. it’ll be like watching a new movie now. You’re welcome!
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Hahahaha I enjoyed the ending. lol
Thanks for stopping by. Glad you could get a laugh out of it. 🙂
I enjoy a free smile! lol 😉
Another good rule…don’t send if your kiddos are hooked up to the same iCloud that mom and dad are. I’ve been away from home soooo much and it seemed like the thing to do to keep me connected with my hot hubby. A good idea until my poor son became mortified when it showed up on his iPad at the same time it showed up on my hubby’s phone.
Yep. Good times and a teaching opportunity all in one 🙂
That is too funny! and I’m sure traumatizing for your son too. I tend to panic every time my daughter picks up my phone or goes to take a photo with it. It usually consist of me yelling from across the room “NOOOOooooooo”. She’s always like “why?” , I just say ” I took some photos of things I might get for your Birthday or Christmas”. LOL– I’m just happy she believes that. Haha
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Fan.Effing.Tastic. It is my sincere hope that men see this post and take it to heart, because I honestly cannot deal with any more unwanted photos.
I mean, there’s a reason Michelangelo gave Il Davide a teeny weenie.
Hahaha—- Thank you so much for agreeing with me on this one. I’m surprised by how many men are that comfortable……and stupid! Thanks for reblogging it too. 🙂
Reblogged this on And all the roads we have to walk are winding… and commented:
I wish men would take the hint – check out this fabulous post, and please, gentlemen, take it to heart.
I am curious what qualifies as a good looking dick. my wife feels the same as you about dicks…that they are ugly. i just wonder what a woman feels is a visually apeealing pen is. idea for a new post?
LOL– Great question and suggestion for a future post. I will have to give this one some thought because a lot of things do contribute to the “wow” factor. Haha