I opened a twitter account- and I’m still not cool

twitter

I opened a Twitter account.

Why? I have no idea. 

The last thing I need is another distraction to pull me away from things I should be doing.  I asked myself, “self, why do you want a Twitter account?”  But that bitch had no answer. What do I have to say that is remotely interesting? nothing really.  I stay home with kids all day, so what am I supposed to Tweet about? dirty diapers? that shit is gross, no pun intended, but maybe I’m that witty and it was. I do like to talk about sex, I hear that is popular.  Then again, this blog is my personal blog, so do I really need to tweet about it? and is Tweet supposed to be capitalized or not?

My 11 year old said, “you have Twitter? why? you are no one, only cool people have that”.  She’s an idiot, a ton of losers have Twitter accounts, and now I’m one too.  So my first ‘Tweet’ was a test post, and to be truthful, I felt like a jackass making it.  It was like listening to my daughters one sided conversation with Siri on her iPod.  Being new, I am basically just talking to myself, but publicly now for people to judge.  Will I stick with it, I don’t know. If I have enough followers then I suppose I will. I had to laugh, because after I set up my account on Twitter, I had one follower already.  So maybe I will just stalk that guy and comment on everything he says.  Nah- that would be weird and who has time for that.

Maybe he followed me because I have half naked pictures of myself up, I didn’t think guys were like that though.  That’s a joke, the guy followed me because he knows I’m going to be funny and cool……one day. He actually is funny already, I read his stuff (maybe that is stalker behavior).  I’m going to mention him here, after all- he was my ‘first’ and don’t we all hold a special place in our hearts for our ‘first’.  I don’t think anyone will read this anyway.   This is him: @tfpHumorBlog on Twitter.  Website: www.thoughtsfromparis.com.  Thank you random Twitter guy 🙂

So if you stumble across this post and you want to hear about the ‘nothing’ I do all day, then follow me and I can give you updates on my kids bowel movements too, this is me: @DyeStormere on Twitter.  Occasionally I will talk about other things like, vagina’s, boobs and penis’ oh my!!  Should that be penises? or pe-ni? or penis’— hmmm?  I’m not a writer BTW- I just type stuff out in random paragraph format making it appear as though I know what I’m doing.

Just keep in mind I have no idea how to use Twitter yet, so if you see one of these things –># in my post, it was probably an accident.

“Type hard! Like you mean it!”
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