If You Are Faking It, It’s Your Own Fault. Say What?


“If you are faking it, it’s your own fault.”

My husband said that to me once and I was like, “listen a-hole, if I have to fake it- you are doing something wrong.”

But the more we laughed about it and spoke about it the more his idiotic statement started to make sense.

See – If you have to fake it, chances are your partner doesn’t fully know what you like or how you like it. I’m talking about a good relationship though, not a loveless one.  I’ve been in bad relationships and faking it was the quickest way to get things over with.  So if you are faking it for that reason, it might be time for a change in the relationship department.

My husband told me that if I fake it he will have no reason to believe that anything needs to change. I hate when he’s right.

I tried to view things from his point of view and I also thought about some of my past relationships.  Even though men don’t fake it…do they? Is that even possible?

So I compared some of the past lovers I’ve been with.  That’s not a nice thing to do by the way… comparing people, but I’m going to tread carefully here and compare for your benefit, that’s how much I love you guys.  I’m sure my husband will love knowing I’ve compared! Sorry hun.

To keep it simple I will say that each one of the men liked things handled differently. Some a gentler touch, others preferred things a little harder.  In some cases – more tongue, less tongue, teeth, no teeth, pull, tug faster, slower, hands, no hands– it’s really fucking confusing! You get the picture right? The point is, everyone is different, different things please different people.  So you need to communicate, because what one person will enjoy is going to be different from what the next person will enjoy.

I think some couples are so uncomfortable talking about sex that they just take what they get and never work at making it better. Me? I have no respect for personal boundaries and I’ve been all over my husbands body figuring out what he likes, doesn’t like, and what he really, really likes.

You need to view it as though you are the manager and your partner is the employee, if they aren’t doing their job well – chances are you failed when training them.

There's a meme for everything.

There’s a meme for everything.

So get over any inhibitions you may have, stop being shy,  and tell the person you are with what you like.  You don’t need to go all drill sergeant on them, unless you are into that crazy stuff, but there is nothing wrong with saying harder, faster or even slower from time to time.

And you know what, you still might not finish all the time, but so what? Don’t fake it to spare feelings – otherwise why would they work harder? You’ll end up screwing yourself, and I mean literally – because you know you’ll masturbate a lot more if you keep faking it. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that either. I consider it a hobby– but I don’t want that be my only source of pleasure.

And then there's always this.  If for no other reason, prevent this!

And then there’s always this. If for no other reason, prevent this!

Yes – There have been times when I don’t finish and it’s not because my husband isn’t a good lover, but sometimes it comes down to timing. You know those days, when company is on the way or you need to go quick because the kids are waking up.  It’s also good to be giving from time to time and just let them use you to get themselves off without worrying about your selfish needs.  That can be nice turn-on when you have to wait until later to get yours.

If you don’t want to speak up and tell them what you like, remember the best way to lead is by example, so I say put on a show and let them know exactly what you like by showing them.  I mean by touching yourself…..that was obvious right? I don’t mean buy a doll and point to the stuff you liked touched.  Okay…I just wanted to be clear.

I don’t know about you, but now I’m just horny!…….again……still.

Here’s what we learned today kids:

Don’t fake it.
Be a good teacher.
I consider masturbating a hobby, apparently.
And Sex is awesome!

So go….

Get out of here and show your partner what makes you feel good.

Why settle for anything less? Sex is good, but why not make it great?

And where the hell is my husband when I need him?  Guess I should work on honing my skills in the hobby department while he is gone. Wink-Wink. Okay…..I know that wasn’t subtle. FINE! I’m off to masturbate.  Geez….you guys don’t let me get away with anything.

“Type hard.  Like you mean it!”


10 thoughts on “If You Are Faking It, It’s Your Own Fault. Say What?

  1. I just found your site and let me just say, I AM IN LOVE!!!!!! I feel like I am home! I have been told (by far too many friends and some strangers too) that I am inappropriate because I am so open about sex. I love talking about it, doing it, talking about doing it, u name it! I’m in. For Valentine’s Day my husband got me a card titled “I like having sex with you.” He knows the way to my heart and it’s not chocolate and flowers ;-). Thanks for making me laugh and making me feel like I am not the only “dirty girl” out there!!

  2. Sing it, sister!

    I spent 5 years with a man who didn’t get me off – not because he didn’t know how (our first year was mind-blowing), but because he didn’t care. When we finally broke up and had the big talk about everything that went wrong, I asked about this. His response was that I had gained weight and didn’t turn him on anymore so he preferred to just close his eyes and think of me as a soft, warm sex doll than a living, breathing person.

    On rare occasions when he would stop and ask me if I came, I’d make him switch positions and fake the hell out of it just to get him off of me.

    You know, thinking back on it now, I have no idea why we stayed together for five years…

  3. Way to go Dye… 3cheers to you for writing this and the same for your Hubby for saying it…

    You.Are.Right.On.The.Mark! 😏

    Communication in the bedroom / playroom / romperroom is A#1 ‘mucho importante’ … Well Said! 😎

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

  4. Ah, I totally agree! Never fake orgasms!!!

    Great advice you’ve got for the long term.

    My advice for mid-fuck-that’s-taking-too-long:
    If you don’t want to cum, just tell him he needs to finish.
    If you want to cum, get involved (surely you can get yourself off?)

    Because even if it’s your hand that pens the final words, he’s still co-authoring the book, write? 😉

    I do it all the time with my wife! (Half of the blowjobs I get end after a few minutes with my wife saying, you need to cum soon. That mean I get involved to speed things up!)

  5. In the immortal words of Seinfeld, “The woman had an orgasm under false pretences. That’s sexual perjury. ”

    You should say a few words on my hobby thread. Yours is much more interesting than mine, apparently.

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