Unless you work at an OBGYN office I’m pretty sure you don’t say vagina enough during the course of the day. Me? I say vagina all day, everyday. I say it mostly to irritate my 11 year old daughter. Why? Because I’m a jerk like that, that’s why. Did I mention she hates the word vagina? (hence the me being a jerk part).
See….I’ve been in the process of teaching my toddler that this thing is called a vagina. Because as a parent, you need to teach your children things and spend time with them every so often so that they think you really care.
I thought about teaching her other names for it, but I think that would really confuse the kid. Like “wipe your flower”, sounds like you should smell it, or “that’s your pee-pee”– if that’s your “pee-pee” then what do you call the actual pee? or “that’s your privates”– sounds like it’s that thing we don’t speak of— like Voldemort, Candyman, or how I devoured 10 boxes of Girl Scout cookies on my own over the course of 3 days. So yeah, I think it’s easier to stick with the actual name…..vagina!
Wait….I went off on a tangent there. Anyway, for some reason my 11 year old thinks that it is completely inappropriate to say vagina, which is strange because she tells me that she looks forward to swearing. Go figure. Kids are dumb! Her repulsion to the word and her constant protest, “stop staying that!” is just encouragement for me to say it more, I already told you that I’m a jerk like that. I’m trying to help her get over her disgust with the word vagina and be immune to hearing it. It’s just a word for crying out loud. Right?
During the course of the holidays I had my in-laws over at my home. With the exception of a couple of them, they are far more conservative than I will ever be. By the end of the night however I had everyone saying vagina like it was a common household greeting. It’s stuff like this that makes me feel like I’m winning at life…..pathetic I know. It’s the little things.
I was really making progress with my daughter though, she was starting to see that there really was no big deal with the word vagina. I mean even her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles were saying it. But I think my next conversation might have ruined any progress I made with her and I’m pretty sure she lost all respect for me at the same time.
I was in a room with my mother, husband, and my three daughters (my step-daughter was not there):
Me: “Hey! Guess what we all have in common?”
11 year old: “What?”
Me: “We’ve all touched my vagina at one point.”
Aaaannnnnnddd……..that’s where I lost her.
Every once in a while she seems comfortable with me saying vagina, that’s when I take the opportunity to ask her how she feels about the word “penis.”
It’s a vicious cycle, but I have to entertain myself.
Vagina, Vagina, Vagina! As Dora the Explorer would say, “Say it with me.”
I’ve obviously been watching a lot of Nick Jr. lately. Sigh……
If you could use a good laugh and are curious about what other vagina names there are then just follow the link below for some alternative suggestions. But read all of my shit first….then go there….then come back and read more. Okay? Good. Here you go:
Sloppy list of vagina names (because the list isn’t that neat, not to be confused with sloppy vagina– two totally different things.)
“Type hard. Like you mean it!”