poetry “If I had a Penis”


If I had a dick…it would be my best friend
Hell!…I would have it out every now an again

I would love it, and hug it, and call it George
Most likely become my own personal whore

I wouldn’t mind a little slap and tickle
Taking advantage of my new found pickle

I would call it my shaft, my rod, or pole
Bend it to reach…my own asshole

“Ha, Ha,” you say? Well then you have heard nothin’
Damn right! I’d try to fuck…my own belly button

I would jerk it, stroke it, play all day
Twist it, turn it, and pound away

I would oil it up, then yank on it dry
Fuck if I know, unless I try

I would find things daily that I could fuck
Keep looking in the mirror just to see it tucked

Suck it for sure…I’d have to try that
And if I can’t.. Well?…I have a cat

Okay. I admit, that was just wrong
But what do you do, with a new found schlong?

Like a monkey, I would pull and tug
Shit! I’d use it…to swat fucking bugs

Oh! Now you think that it’s getting bizarre
What?.. Like…up till now it’s been good so far?

I don’t mean to be so blunt
But sometimes it’s boring just having a cunt

A male friend of mine, wrote the following poem about having a cunt–enjoy 🙂

If I had a cunt, I’d change it’s sweet name,
Whenever I could I’d comfort it’s shame.

Call it sweet Lily or Mamma’s delight,
Give it my blessings each day and all night.

Walk around bowlegged because I’d be sore,
That sweet vag would be my personal whore.

I’d spoil it, oil it, and treat it just right,
Do lots of Kegals, keep my coochy tight.

Hot box, or squeeze box, my own honey pot,
Lick fingers, tangy from tickling my twat.

I’d plant my secret garden, keep it wet,
Tickle that bean, work the row till I sweat.

Once in a while I’d give kitty a treat,
Feed her some hot cream from pulsing man meat.

I’d let girlfriends cum and play in my pond,
Trap lots of beaver, vibrate magic wand.

Never be selfish, share all my toys,
We’d share good vibrations and bath time joys.

Lick it and pet it, show me your new stunt,
Never forget, only I call it cunt.