My list of Must-do’s when taking a sexy photo.

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‘Ricochet’ Self-Portrait

One of the many things I love about photography, self-portraits in particular, is that you can tell any story you want about yourself.  It’s as simple as a costume change, makeup, pose, hair, etc.  Me? I thoroughly enjoy getting all dolled up and letting my sexy side show.  I thought about just posting the above photograph and leaving it at that, because… damn… I look fucking good. Right? I’m so modest. lol

But I don’t always look like this, it takes work to look sexy in an image.

I thought I’d share some of my ‘must do’s’, ways I like to convey sex appeal in my self-portraits:

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Step 1: Finger in the mouth. People love fingers in the mouth, and anything that draws attention to the lips.

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Step 2: Sexy eyes. Eye contact is important!

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Step 3: Push tits together…because, well…who doesn’t like cleavage? It’s like saying, “Look! Another place to put your dick.”

If you’ve learned anything, I hope it’s that you realized—the sexiest thing you can do is just be your damn self. Even if you look like an idiot most of the time, like I usually do. Trying to keep it real. Enjoy!

 

“Type hard, like you mean it!”

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No news is good news.

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Self-Portrait

Ever need to get away from it all and unplug for a little bit?

Two weeks ago I decided to just go ahead and do it, and I couldn’t be happier about my decision.  Now I’m not talking about completely disconnecting from my online life, that’d be crazy!! Baby steps, people! But… I did deactivate my personal Facebook account and haven’t been online as much since doing that. Notice I didn’t say “delete” my Facebook account. Of course I’ll be back again at some point, I think?

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This made me laugh. As much as I love attention, quitting Facebook isn’t really what I’d do to get it, I mean seriously…. I have boobs! Big, round, fake, attention getting boobs. See, have your attention now, don’t I?

The last couple of years I’ve become a bit addicted to Facebook. I’m always on it, even if I’m not interacting.  Not that that really bothers me too much. I thoroughly enjoy the online friendships and it’s a great place to keep in touch with old friends, and family. I’m the type that loves to know all about you, wants to see your kids, your pets, your selfies, and your daily activities….in a non-stalkery sort of way…. yeah, yeah, let’s go with that. I’m also the type that will look in your windows if you leave your curtains open though…in a non-pervy way of course *ahem*.   I suppose this is one of the reasons I enjoy self-portraits so much, it’s an extra glimpse into the lives of others.

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I definitely don’t text and drive, but I have on many occasions closed Facebook on my PC to immediately pick up my phone and check it again, just in case I missed something important, you know….like photos of what everyone is eating for lunch.

Every time I’ve thought about taking a break I’d come up with a couple of reasons why I couldn’t, these were easy excuses for me to use to stay connected.

  1. I’ll lose touch with everyone.
  2. If I deactivate or delete my personal page, my other pages will automatically go inactive as well.

I have a few Facebook pages, including the one attached to this blog that is run by my personal page.  I didn’t want to lose those and couldn’t see how to keep one without the other.

So I posed the question on Facebook asking if anyone knew a way around this, thankfully a few friends did and were able to show me the loophole.  Once I knew how to do it it took me a few days to convince myself that it was for the best.

See, as much as I love seeing all the good that everyone is up to, it also comes with all the bad negative drama as well.  If you have Facebook you know what I’m talking about. *cough, cough* Politics…among other things.

One of the first things I do in the morning is check all of my online accounts, Facebook being one of them. Most mornings I’d checked it just to read the messages I received, but then I’d see my news feed and get sucked in. I would start to scroll through some stuff, skip some other stuff, read some comments, and more comments, and conversations, and before I knew it I’d be over an hour in and extremely annoyed with myself for wasting so much time on reading news I couldn’t give two shits about. Not the best way to start the day, and not the way I wanted to spend any free time I had throughout the afternoons and evenings.

At the moment, I don’t miss it at all!  I still chat with my friends and family, only now it’s on my blogs Facebook page, and instead of my news feed being filled with negativity and dumb fucking Minion memes, seriously with the Minion memes… STOP! It makes zero sense to post a photo of a Minion with a deep and meaningful fucking quote!

Let me indulge a bit on this pet-peeve. Why in the fuck would these quotes need a Minion with them?!!! Grrrrrr…..

This one however…perfectly acceptable!

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Tangent there… what was I saying?

Oh yeah, now I get to log onto my blogs Facebook page, read messages and chat, and only see whatever I post there, no negative BS, not my friends or family bickering, no news reports filled with all the bad stuff going on in this world. In this case….ignorance is a bit blissful.

Of course, I’m still a social media whore….but now I’m a happier one. Nothing better than a happy whore, am I right?

You know where to find me….here at the Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Flickr, G+, Email, Smoke signals, Ouija board, AshleyMadison.com… I’m kidding, just seeing if you’re paying attention!

“Type hard, like you mean it!”

52 Weeks Of Photos ~2016~ Week 36

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“The only bad workout is the one that didn’t happen” Self-portrait

The photography theme for week 36 was ‘Nourish’.

Not only have I been slacking off on keeping up with this photo project, I have also dropped the ball on my workouts.  I was going strong, lifting weights, and working out everyday for over a year.  The last few month however, not so much. I can’t even see my muscles anymore. Waaaaaaaa.  I am slowly trying to get back into in.  I started back up a couple of weeks ago, was doing pretty good until leg day. I couldn’t walk for about a week after, I guess I over did it,  which also meant I couldn’t lift anything until I healed. Getting old sucks!

I still love drinking protein shakes though, I’ve at least been consistent with keeping those in my diet. I’m not a big meat eater (I can think of a ton of sexual jokes to add here), I can never get enough protein in, so I supplement when I can.   Here, I’m drinking a chocolate protein shake, but lately I’ve been sucking down green protein smoothies every day. Yum!

Talking about muscles, meat eating, not being able to walk, and sucking things down kind of put me in the mood for other types of nourishment. Anyone else? No?…just me then. Okay. Off I go to satisfy some other cravings. 😉

“Type hard, like you mean it!”

 

 

 

What happened to my husband’s balls?

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My husband was neutered today.  I did feel bad, but I went out of my way to make emasculating jokes every chance I got.  Luckily my husband has a great sense of humor and we were both able to laugh about the entire procedure, making the best of an uncomfortable situation.

Here he is in the waiting room.  He looks happy now, sort of.  But soon he will no longer have the urge to hump my leg, and that will be sad.

 

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I was really hoping to have had a mason jar with a couple of balls waiting for him when he came out into the waiting room, but just didn’t have the time, maybe for Christmas.  I wasn’t really sure of what to get someone after their balls are removed, is there a gift list for something like this? a subscription to Cosmo maybe, a chick flick, jewelry, a vibrator?  I don’t know, but I am disappointed he wasn’t sent home with a cone to prevent him from licking and scratching down below.

 

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I suppose now that he is practically a woman I will be expected to compliment him more, notice his new haircut, and tell him he looks pretty.  The change started as soon as we left the doctors too.  I had to not only get the car door for him, but drive him home as well.  I did tell him that when we got home I was going to sit him on the couch and put in ‘The Notebook’, feed him some chocolate, and maybe let him borrow my pink snuggie.  He didn’t argue, just humored me.

 

Here is a glimpse into some of the remarks and conversation we had at his expense.

 

Me: “When I run into Rite Aid to get your prescription, do you want me to pick up pads or tampons for you?”

 

Batman: ——

 

Me: “Is it numb?”

 

Batman: “Yes.”

 

Me: “Can I flick it?”

 

Batman: “No!”

 

Me: “Why not? it’s numb.”

 

Batman: “Stay away from me.”

 

Me: “Just once, let me flick it, or pinch it.”

 

Batman: “No! Get away.”

 

Me: “Whatever. Can you get hard?”

 

Batman: “Probably, but I don’t want to.”

 

(Invitation- Muhahahahaha)

 

Me: “So if we talk about me with another woman, would that get you hard?”

 

Batman: “You’re a bitch.”

 

Me: “I told you I would let another woman go down on me, does that turn you on. I would suck a boob and lick a nipple.”

 

Batman: “Knock it off!”

 

Me: “Haha- are you getting hard?”

 

Batman: “Yes.”

 

(Laughing like an evil bitch)

 

Me: “Well, I would let you watch. Maybe participate.  I would have no problem making out with another woman, feel her tongue in my mouth, lick her lips. I bet that would be fun.  Are you getting harder?”

 

Batman: “I hate you.”

 

Me: “Hahahaha! Let me touch it.”

 

Batman: “No!”

 

So that was just the ride home.  Once we got home I asked him if his breast were tender, or if they were leaking.  Then I went on to ask him if he was sitting when he went pee.  I proceeded to call him lady for the rest of the night.

 

I know my husband is in pain and I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have someone slice into my balls, but I don’t have to- I gave birth to three kids and those fuckers hurt coming out.  So as much as I feel bad, I love to laugh and have a good time with my husband more.  I am happy that in a few weeks, or 25 ejaculations according to the doctor, we can go at it like bunnies, with no concerns of making any more cock-blockers (babies).

 

All kidding aside, my husband is ‘The Man’, I love him even more for getting this done, and for putting up with my taunting all day.  Once he feels better I will take him dress shopping then out for brunch where we will celebrate his feminine side while sipping mimosas.

 

After that, I will bring him home and kiss his balls to ease the pain.  See?  I’m a good wife!

 

“Type hard!  Like you mean it!”