My “Princess” is 11 years old and one would think that washing a pan at that age would be an easy task. Watching my daughter’s expression at the mere mention of having to actually wash a pan to make herself breakfast was funny enough, but then she went on to do what seemed like a dramatic reading of the bible. I’m not sure, but there were a lot of Why me’s and Oh My God’s getting tossed around, followed by tears and praying for me to help. I felt like I was in church, and it was just as painful to sit through.
I don’t ask a lot of my kids and maybe this is part of the problem. No…..I’m sure this is part of the problem. I’m working on it. That and some gene which clearly got passed down from my Ex-husband (her father).dig
Princess: “Can I make an egg for breakfast?”
Worst Mother Ever!: “Yes, don’t burn the house down.”
Princess: “The pans are in the sink.”
Worst Mother Ever!: “Thanks for letting me know.”
Princess: “You need to wash them.”
Worst Mother Ever!: Brows raised with an expression that says, “I dare you to say that again.” “Excuse me?”
Princess: “What am I supposed to do?”
Worst Mother Ever!: “Seriously? You’re 11, you don’t know what you should do?”
Princess: “I’m not washing a pan.”
Worst Mother Ever!: “It will be hard to cook an egg without one.”
Now at this point in the conversation, eyes start rolling– her’s and mine. While she opens the cabinet that we store the pans in and continues to pull out a pot, you know……the kind you boil water in…..for pasta and shit.
Princess: “I’ll just use this then.”
Worst Mother Ever!: “No.”
Princess: “Errrrrrr. Oh my god, you are being so mean.”
The pan gets put away and she turns the water on. I’m shocked because I figure at this point she’s just going to pour cereal instead, but she must really want this fucking egg. Between huffs and puffs, sighs and errrrs.
Princess: “This is so gross, I don’t want to touch the sponge. This one has stuff on it. We need a new sponge. Why me?”
For the record, the sponge is about a week old. See above photo. I watch in pure amusement as my daughter grabs the sponge with her thumb and forefinger in a dainty effort to pick it up while grumbling the entire time. It’s hilarious. Cruel to watch? No. I always help my kids do everything, and that’s the problem.
My kid has “Princess Syndrome” and believes that everything should be done for her.
I would have helped if the conversation didn’t start with an expectation that I would do it. My kid knows how to cook an egg. But wash a dish? Well that’s just disgusting and servant’s work.
Princess: “I’m never washing dishes when I get older.”
Worst Mother Ever!: “I guess I won’t be eating at your place.”
Princess: “I’m going to make my husband wash them!”
Worst Mother Ever!: “I’m sure you’ll make someone very miserable.”
Princess: “Stop it!”
Worst Mother Ever!: Calmly “Stop acting like a brat, it’s a fucking pan. Grab the sponge, put soap and water on it. Stop touching it like you are going to catch the plague and scrub.” Yes, I swear.
Followed by a loud sigh, she washes the pan, with her own two hands! Un-fucking-believable! It’s a modern day miracle people.
Princess: “What do I do now?” Holding the wet pan.
Worst Mother Ever!: “If you were wet, what would you use to get the water off?”
Princess: “Errrrrrrrr” Reaches for towel.
At this point she carries on while still grunting, turns on the stove and gets the egg in the pan. I leave the room, because I don’t want to go to jail. Moments later the sound of drawers opening and closing, getting louder and louder with each slam.
Princess: “I CAN’T FIND A SPATULA.”
Me to self: Deep breath, deep breath. Eye Roll.
Worst Mother Ever!: “Look in the sink.”
Princess: “No! No! I’m not washing that too!”
Worst Mother Ever!: ——–
A few more minutes pass and she enters the room with an egg sandwich. I never did hear her wash anything else or turn the water on.
Worst Mother Ever!: “Did you find a spatula?”
Princess: “No, I used a spoon.”
I decide to just let it go, what’s done is done.
Worst Mother Ever!: Being calm and compassionate, I explain why I didn’t help. “I know you are frustrated, I would have helped you if you just asked nicely, instead of expecting me to do it.”
Princess: Eye-roll “It’s your job to take care of me and do the dishes.”
I’m currently writing from jail.
“Type hard! Like you mean it!”