photography ~ Sleepy Bears

mrfin

Self-portrait 20/52

A quick self portrait from last night with two of my girls…and their furry friends.

 

Like always, all images can be seen bigger on Flickr.

 

“Type hard, like you mean it!”

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Par-ent-hood: a sexually transmitted disease

 

parenthood

Definition: Par-ent-hood  noun

A sexually transmitted disease caused by the inability to think straight during throes of passion.  An infection of sorts, causing lifelong trauma to the human psyche.

While there is no immediate cure, studies have found that Parenthood will often come to a halt after years of pain and suffering, finally ending with ones own sweet, sweet death.  The journey to this recovery is a long drawn out process, one to which you will experience the following symptoms:

Bleeding from ears

Constant ringing sounds

Heightened sensitivity to clutter

Claustrophobia

Lack of personal space

Loss of breathe

Bouts of fury and rage

Heart palpitations

Elevated stress levels

Migraine headaches

Hair loss

Bleeding tongue

Monetary limitations

While some symptoms are more severe than others, be cautioned.  Moments of euphoria will occur from time to time, giving the illusion and false pretense that contracting the disease was well worth it.  One might notice moments of euphoria in the lives of others with this disease and be led to believe that Parenthood is in fact not as severe as it sounds.  Don’t be blinded by the hype.  For every euphoric moment, a double dose of what the fuck will immediately follow.

Please be informed and make educated decisions to prevent contracting this life debilitating disease.  Precautions that one could take to help keep Parenthood at bay, include but are not limited to:

Abstinence

Removal of libido

Masturbation as the only form of pleasure

Double bagging it

Suicide

Examples:

Sally was an active member of society until she contracted Parenthood and died a miserable death.

You seem so happy not being able to do everything you wanted to do in life, way to control your Parenthood!

PARENTHOOD:

Some days I am faced with two choices : Laugh or Cry, today I chose laugh.  I truly do love being a mother.  Believe it or not, my kids were all planned pregnancies.  That’s right, I did this to myself (well, my hubby helped), but I do question why some days.  Not in a serious “why” way, but more of a joking, ha ha, I’m losing my fucking mind kind of way.

Being a mom was my big goal, my aspiration in life.  Some people might think that’s crazy, let’s face it, just about any woman can get knocked up.  I didn’t dream of going to college and working my way up some corporate ladder though.  I had dreams of being home with kids.  Of course the home in my dreams had unicorn riding fairies that would come in and keep things neat and tidy, while the little leprechauns, wait, not leprechauns- those fuckers creep me out.  While little trolls, wizards, magicians, elves filled the house with laughter and joy.  That’s the type of stupid shit you dream of before you have kids.  I know now that it’s not fairies and elves, but more like a tutu wearing, PMS suffering Satan on a mission to reek havoc by creating loud constant shrieking.  Like the “most annoying sound in the world” from ‘Dumb and Dumber’, only more annoying and less funny.  Even with all that said, I do love being a mom.  Parenthood is one of the best things to have happened in my life.  Without it, I would probably be somewhere sipping Mimosas poolside while mute men rub me down and feed me grapes, who the fuck wants that? or I could have ended up in a dead end job, doing the same thing day in and day out, wishing for more out of life.  That would more likely have been the case.  Either way– I love my job!  I love my job! I love my job!  If you say it enough, you start to believe it.

“Type hard. Like you mean it!”

I’m not thankful for……

fuckyouthankful

In the spirit of Thanksgiving Day, I decided that instead of listing out all of the things I’m thankful for, I’m going to just list some of the shit I am not thankful for at the moment.

I truly am grateful for all of the good things in my life. I have a lot of good to celebrate, but I’m thankful on a daily basis for those things.  I’m always happy and appreciative of what I have going for me.  However, I feel like all I have seen throughout my other social media accounts today is the same ole, same ole, “I’m thankful for my family, blah, my life, blah, my blah, blah, blah.”  I guess I find it irritating as some of my friends bitch about everything, everyday.  They actually needed a holiday to be grateful for the good in their lives.   Yes, I’m thankful for my family too, and my kids, health, and for not being homeless, etc, etc. dot, dot, dot. I’m always thankful, so I think it only makes sense for me to use this day to point out some of the things I’m not thankful for.

I’m not thankful for how my younger two kids can’t seem to nap at the same fucking time.

I’m not thankful that my 11 year old seems to cry at the drop of a hat now that she is going through puberty.

I’m not thankful that the only way to have sex some days is by pretending that I need my husbands help in the basement, so the kids don’t figure it out.

I’m not thankful for how incredibly dusty my house is right now.

I’m not thankful for having a family of six and both cars only being 5 passenger.

I’m not thankful for the lack of time I get to myself most days.

I’m not thankful for never having enough time to blog, or sleep, or work, or slack off.

I’m not thankful that my “real work” is so behind.

I’m not thankful that this year flew by.

I’m not thankful for blowing my diet today. ( And for the last 4 weeks!)

I’m not thankful for the stupid tattoos I got between the ages of 16 and 17. (This is why 18 is the required age I guess.)

I’m not thankful that this is the last year I will be in my 30’s.

I’m not thankful that it took me so long to find the love of my life.

I’m not thankful for letting some of the little things get to me.

I’m not thankful for good things happening to shitty people. (This bothers me the most.)

I’m not thankful for turning what I thought would be a funny post into a bitchy rant.

I guess I should stop here then.

Back to being thankful.

Thanks for reading.

“Type hard. Like you mean it!”