52 Weeks Of Photos ~2016~ Week 25


‘Dear Lord Baby Jesus..make it STAHP!’ Self-Portrait

The theme for last weeks photo was ‘Sign Language’.

I’m a little overdue with this photo as I struggled with the theme. Sometimes inspiration hits out of nowhere… in this case, it was my Instagram DM’s.

For the love of God, people. Stop sending me DM’s and mail telling me how hot I am, as original as that might be (eye-roll), I’m good. There is no reason that needs to be said in a private message. I’m appreciative that you find me attractive, thank you. Feel free to just leave a comment so that everyone can see it. At least boost my ego publicly like a decent pervert! 😀

I know this sounds petty. It could be worse, right? I mean, you could be sending me dick pics… oh wait… you’re doing that too. Sigh! STAHP!

Why? What is your motivation here?

I have yet to see a dick that makes me want to drop my panties and risk losing my family just to find out who is on the other end of it. I know what you’re thinking..”but I could be the one”.. No! Trust me, you are not the one.  Your dick could shoot out magic rainbows with hundred dollar bill confetti and I still wouldn’t want to…. um, okay…yes, I’d want to see that, but that’s the exception.

If after reading this you still want to send me photos, at least read up on my dick pic requirements. Here is a little something I wrote last year, still relevant today. Enjoy!

Only send photos of your junk if…



“Type hard, like you mean it!”


Happy Bunny Day!



Just wanted to wish everyone a happy Sunday, whether you celebrate Easter or not.  I haven’t been the best at blogging but wanted to at least spread some cheer.  I’ve been taking a lot of self portraits lately and figured I could at least share some of those if nothing else.  Yes, that’s me.  I’m fucking hot, I know. Hahaha!  Yeah, yeah… I don’t think I’m ugly but I’m really not that over confident either. You’d never know it, but I fake it, I mean my confidence of course.  We know that I would never fake anything else!

My sister-in-law had a few lollipops made for me and I took some photos to show her how much I enjoyed them.  Hope you can get a chuckle out of them too.  They were naughty and delicious, just a couple of my favorite things.



“Type hard. Like you mean it!”

A Nod to the Little Rod…..I’m Talking D!ck


So I was thinking about dick like I usually do and that got me thinking about all dicks in general and what difference does size really make.

I think people tend to overlook the little dick.  It doesn’t get the credit it deserves.

Now before I go on, it’s important for you to know that my husband has a huge dick, larger than life, can use that thing to pound in nails sized dick. I forget what else he wanted me to type here so let’s just call him Lord Thunder Cock, that should make him happy.

Now that that’s out of the way….which of course it’s never out of the way because it’s soooo big…..

Seriously?…..I should just let him type this fucking thing, since he has so much to add to it.

So…..little dick…..

Times you should be grateful for a little dick…..Anal Sex!

Yes, I said it!

I’m not saying I have or have not had anal sex, but if I did or didn’t then I can tell you that size does matter…..probably…..but how would I know?

Especially if it’s your first time…..from what I’ve heard.

So to all the men out there with less than average sized dicks…..three cheers for you, maybe just two cheers! Let’s not be greedy little man.

So women need to stop complaining, give the men a break— maybe you are just loose– have you thought about that? Hmmm…..have you? Slut!


Another good thing about the little rod, tiny schlong and tic-tac prick can be summed up in two words…..Gag Reflex!

No choking hazard.

And let’s not forget about the classic hand job. Just one hand needed, so you can still work a TV remote, enjoy a drink, play Candy Crush or just text a friend at the same time.

To the men with cute, little, tiny dicks, there is someone out there for you. Not me, and maybe not that other girl, or most women…..but someone out there…..maybe with no feeling from the waist down…..but someone would appreciate you and all you don’t have to offer.

“Type hard. Like you mean it!”

I opened a twitter account- and I’m still not cool


I opened a Twitter account.

Why? I have no idea. 

The last thing I need is another distraction to pull me away from things I should be doing.  I asked myself, “self, why do you want a Twitter account?”  But that bitch had no answer. What do I have to say that is remotely interesting? nothing really.  I stay home with kids all day, so what am I supposed to Tweet about? dirty diapers? that shit is gross, no pun intended, but maybe I’m that witty and it was. I do like to talk about sex, I hear that is popular.  Then again, this blog is my personal blog, so do I really need to tweet about it? and is Tweet supposed to be capitalized or not?

My 11 year old said, “you have Twitter? why? you are no one, only cool people have that”.  She’s an idiot, a ton of losers have Twitter accounts, and now I’m one too.  So my first ‘Tweet’ was a test post, and to be truthful, I felt like a jackass making it.  It was like listening to my daughters one sided conversation with Siri on her iPod.  Being new, I am basically just talking to myself, but publicly now for people to judge.  Will I stick with it, I don’t know. If I have enough followers then I suppose I will. I had to laugh, because after I set up my account on Twitter, I had one follower already.  So maybe I will just stalk that guy and comment on everything he says.  Nah- that would be weird and who has time for that.

Maybe he followed me because I have half naked pictures of myself up, I didn’t think guys were like that though.  That’s a joke, the guy followed me because he knows I’m going to be funny and cool……one day. He actually is funny already, I read his stuff (maybe that is stalker behavior).  I’m going to mention him here, after all- he was my ‘first’ and don’t we all hold a special place in our hearts for our ‘first’.  I don’t think anyone will read this anyway.   This is him: @tfpHumorBlog on Twitter.  Website: www.thoughtsfromparis.com.  Thank you random Twitter guy 🙂

So if you stumble across this post and you want to hear about the ‘nothing’ I do all day, then follow me and I can give you updates on my kids bowel movements too, this is me: @DyeStormere on Twitter.  Occasionally I will talk about other things like, vagina’s, boobs and penis’ oh my!!  Should that be penises? or pe-ni? or penis’— hmmm?  I’m not a writer BTW- I just type stuff out in random paragraph format making it appear as though I know what I’m doing.

Just keep in mind I have no idea how to use Twitter yet, so if you see one of these things –># in my post, it was probably an accident.

“Type hard! Like you mean it!”

poetry “If I had a Penis”


If I had a dick…it would be my best friend
Hell!…I would have it out every now an again

I would love it, and hug it, and call it George
Most likely become my own personal whore

I wouldn’t mind a little slap and tickle
Taking advantage of my new found pickle

I would call it my shaft, my rod, or pole
Bend it to reach…my own asshole

“Ha, Ha,” you say? Well then you have heard nothin’
Damn right! I’d try to fuck…my own belly button

I would jerk it, stroke it, play all day
Twist it, turn it, and pound away

I would oil it up, then yank on it dry
Fuck if I know, unless I try

I would find things daily that I could fuck
Keep looking in the mirror just to see it tucked

Suck it for sure…I’d have to try that
And if I can’t.. Well?…I have a cat

Okay. I admit, that was just wrong
But what do you do, with a new found schlong?

Like a monkey, I would pull and tug
Shit! I’d use it…to swat fucking bugs

Oh! Now you think that it’s getting bizarre
What?.. Like…up till now it’s been good so far?

I don’t mean to be so blunt
But sometimes it’s boring just having a cunt

A male friend of mine, wrote the following poem about having a cunt–enjoy 🙂

If I had a cunt, I’d change it’s sweet name,
Whenever I could I’d comfort it’s shame.

Call it sweet Lily or Mamma’s delight,
Give it my blessings each day and all night.

Walk around bowlegged because I’d be sore,
That sweet vag would be my personal whore.

I’d spoil it, oil it, and treat it just right,
Do lots of Kegals, keep my coochy tight.

Hot box, or squeeze box, my own honey pot,
Lick fingers, tangy from tickling my twat.

I’d plant my secret garden, keep it wet,
Tickle that bean, work the row till I sweat.

Once in a while I’d give kitty a treat,
Feed her some hot cream from pulsing man meat.

I’d let girlfriends cum and play in my pond,
Trap lots of beaver, vibrate magic wand.

Never be selfish, share all my toys,
We’d share good vibrations and bath time joys.

Lick it and pet it, show me your new stunt,
Never forget, only I call it cunt.

poetry “Fellatio”



The way you lick my lips
Taking sensual nips
Pulling at my hips
Having the control you need
You grab me
Tease me
Take the lead
Do with me as you please
Imploring me to taste you
To lick the sweet, dewy bead
You bring the dirty to my knees
“Open wide” you say
“Take it all the way”
I give you what you ask for
Never question what you say
Vibrating a hum through my mouth
To the tip of my tongue
You pull me
Push me
Remove the air from my lungs
I move harder

You come undone